|
Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsAHA News: Pandemic Pods Offer Social Relief, But There Are RisksSaying 'I Understand' Makes a Real Difference, Study ShowsCaring for Elderly Loved Ones During a Holiday LockdownGive Your Family the Gift of Regular ExercisePoll: 1 in 3 Parents Pick Holiday Gathering Over COVID SafetyCollege Kid Coming Home for Thanksgiving? Here's How to Keep Your Family SafeAHA News: Despite the Pandemic, Keep Social Connections Strong This Holiday SeasonThink 'Virtual' for Family Gatherings During the HolidaysWhen Your Spouse Gripes About Aging, It Might Harm Your HealthSpouses Share a Lot – Including Heart Health, Study ShowsKids' Hospitalizations Accompany Rising Unemployment Rates: StudyMost American Families Facing Financial Danger During Pandemic: PollCOVID Conflicts Are Putting Big Strains on RelationshipsWhy Some Gifts Are Better-Received Than OthersWhen Parents, Grandparents Don't Agree on Childrearing ChoicesU.S. Grandparents Are Raising Millions of Kids, and It's ToughChild Care Stresses, Hunger Are Harming U.S. Families During PandemicMany U.S. Homes Too Cramped to Stop COVID-19's SpreadWith Pandemic-Related Stress, Abuse Against Kids Can SurgeLove During Lockdown: Survey Shows How Couples Have CopedWith Nursing Homes on Lockdown, Stay Connected With Loved OnesAHA News: Instead of a Tie, Think About Healthy Gifts and Gratitude for Father's DayPandemic Lockdown Increases Child Abuse RiskLoving Family May Lower Future Depression Risk in KidsKeeping Harmony in the Family During Coronavirus PandemicAHA News: If You Hunker Down Against Coronavirus, Don't Stop Reaching Out, Experts Say12 Weeks of Paid Maternity Leave Benefits Everyone: StudyWho's Caring for Family Caregivers? 1 in 5 Says Health Is PoorKids Raised by Grandparents More Likely to Pile on Pounds: StudyFrozen Donor Eggs May Lead to Fewer Births Than Fresh Ones Questions and AnswersPersonality Disorder or Just a Horrible PersonHusband Jealous of my Friends and FamilyIs it Just a Name?!She's Lied About EverythingMy Family is Ruining my Relationship With my Boyfriend What Is Wrong With Me ?My Boyfriend's Children Won't Accept Me....Does my Boyfriend Have Feelings For His Ex Wife?I Have BulimiaArranged MarriageWhen is Enough, Enough?Breaking UpSoon to be 15 Year Old Step Daughter Who is Physically Abusive to Family MembersI Have Everything I Ever Wanted. Why am I so Miserable?Should I Stay or Should I Go?Wife's BehaviorStep-Daughter is Deliberately AbusiveIs my Sister a Pathological Liar?Lost in Limbo19 Year Old DaughterNeed Help in Building the BridgesLack of Affection and IntimacyIs He Seeing Someone?Marriage QuestionRespect + Anger ManagmentMy Husband With Daughter...... Resentment-Controlling Wife/Passive-Agressive HusbandGetting Married, Stepsons With Awful TempersAdult Son Interferes with Our RelationshipCo-Dependent MotherCan My Marriage Be Saved?On and Off Relationship For Almost 10yrsI Am Tired of MarriageI'm His 2nd Wife. Am I Destined to Play Second Fiddle to His daughter Forever?How do I Get my Husband to the Psychiatrist?Is it Inappropriate to Call my Daughter...Trying to Save 37 Years of Marriage With My Bipolar HusbandAlcoholism and FamilyBipolar Obsessive Thoughts and False Memories Crazy Mother In Law Ruining Our Mental Health and RelationshipCaught In The Middle Caring For Elderly ParentI am a Newlywed and Need HelpHusband's Relationship With His ChildrenSubstance AbuseChronically Ill Non-Compliant 19 Year OldChild With Possible Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)Obsession or ExcuseThe Marriage Corner: How Can I Move Past This?The Marriage Corner: Do You Think my Marriage Can be Repaired?I am Only 26 Years OldMy Boyfriend Saved a Picture of a Girl he Slept With in Case we Split up?Adoptive Mother of 3 Children - SunFlowerHow to Handle my Mothers State of Mind?JoylessShould I Fight For My Marriage?Homesick and Feeling Stuck.Why Does My Wife's Old Boyfriend Bother Me?How do We Get Her to Accept Us as Part of The Family?Another WomanBoyfriends DaughterHow do I Cope With a Parent Who is Trying to Ruin me?Worried About 4-year-old with DepressionSame Views On So Much, but Can't Get Along As A CoupleIt's Me or It's My Mother?Considering Divorce After Several Deaths in The FamilySchizophreniaSchizophrenic Relapse !Please Help Me..My 19 Year Old Daughter is Out of ControlMy 19 Year Old SonI Desperately Want to Make This WorkHelp!!!Marraige Life of my Parents Is This Abuse and What Should I Do?My Girlfriend's Family Is Ruining Our RelationshipI Feel Like I Have Failed - - May 20th 2010Relationship With My Bipolar and ADHD GirlfriendHuge Disapointment With My HusbandI Don't Really Care About Anything. What Should I Do?What Should I do?My Father, The Sociopath...What is Wrong? What Should I do With my 19 Year-Old Daughter's Anger Issue?Dominating Mother How to Help Our College Age Son with Depression and AddictionCan My Marriage be Saved?Personal HygieneHelp Me Please. What is Going On With Me?Parenting a Bipolar Child, Not Quite a Child, Not Quite an AdultAm I Being Used?Is This Jealous Behaviour Normal In a Child?Grandson BehaviorHusband's AddictionHelp or Do Nothing?Pregnant AgainConcernedAre my past sexual fantasies dangerous and unusual?It is finally an emergency. We need help. Please.Trauma and Drama: Why are friends and family rejecting me? Why is my mom following me around to take over my life?Does my husband have bipolar although the doctors said he doesn't?Fear of death and dyinghow to ask if the pics are her?Unhappy MarriageDid I push them too much?How do you turn your back on your 19 year old daughter?What To Do With a Dysfunctional Past SHOULD GRANDPARENTS INSIST ON SEEING A GRANDCHILD My husband wants to leave me My husband no longer believesMy Son's ProblemWhy do I beat myself up over what they think?Bipolar sister, Narcissist boyfriendUnderstanding my sonWorried about my sonChild jealous of moms relationship with her new husbandThis guy I bullyIs There Help Out There? Lonely Mother of ThreeAm I Depressed?Should I Give Up On This Marriage?dealing with demanding mothercan you give me some advice please?17 year old running the houseOut of control 24 year old sisterMy needy son hates my boyfriend. How can I avoid choosing one over the other?voice in my headtwo intelligent adults who feel they don\'t have friends19 Year Old Daugter--Out of control17 yr old refuses help with bi-polar disorderTeen in Full Retreatout of control 16 year old nephewDepression? Bi-Polar? Personality Disorder?i need help with my sisterGet SupportedForgotten or just ignored?Dealing with a family member's complete personality changeMother showering & sleeping in same bed with 5 year oldDisbeliefZoloft - good or badmy little sisterUnattractive regardless, why bother?Coping with Narcissistic BehaviorHow to Deal with the Loss of Familyhusband\'s angerDid I Love my husband and still abuse him emotionallyI have a hard time making friends with other guysHow to communicate to a \'feeler\'homesickhow can i control morbid jealousyHow can I open up and become my old self again?Advice for my unhappily married friendHow can I tell the difference?Cannot support old friend in her affairIs Something Wrong With Her?Need to find a reason for the abuseMom's Unlisted NumberHow to help a Womanizing friend?'Extremely controling' wife and passive husbandA Habitual Liar's Lamentthe way out is through the doorDrug Addict SonAngry At Ex-BoyfriendViolent SisterWhen Will My Boyfriend Grow Up?A Marriage Outside The CasteAngry MomSeeing A Married ManDisordered Family Member BehaviorMy RoommateA Mean, Verbally Abusive WomanStepson With Personality DisorderMom's ProtectorBusted By A 5-Year-OldGetting Along With Narcissistic RelativesPossibly Molested DaughterDirty NieceHelping My SisterCongenital LazinessBlossoming Paranoia?Is Anxiety A Hereditary Factor?Enmeshed With MumHypochondriac DaughterAbusive FatherGoing CrazySelf-Abusive Step-Daughter(Wo)man In The MiddleParanoid DepressionWithdrawn BrotherDysfunctional FamilyParanoiaMy Mother Is Ruining My LifeCowardly StepdadDaughter's Violent MarriageMy Father Dislikes HimHistrionic Sister-in-LawLong-Distance SupportPersonality Disordered GrandmotherDo I Tell My Children I'm Depressed?Father In RomaniaMom's VentingUnhappy In An Arranged MarriageToxic ParentsA Situation For Tough Love?Avoiding Her ParentsBoarding School BluesDepression Affects The Entire FamilyInternet RelationshipI Want To Leave, But For The Children ...Public MenaceSomatization and HypochondriasSelf-Injuring SisterFamily BoundariesDealing with DivorceTrashed HouseRelationship TriangulationWhat To Treat First?Love TriangleProblematic ParentsHis Mother is Ruining Our RelationshipManaging PrioritiesTime to Cut the Apron StringsMommy's New BoyfriendBusy and WantingOver-Protective MotherHe's Not HimselfJealous of My Fiance's FamilyYoung LoveDifferent ReligionsMy Husband's Daughter...My Dad the DictatorMy Children Aren't Speaking..Dogs Instead of Children?My Wife is DepressedFalling ApartProblems with My Daughter VideosLinksBook Reviews |
| |
by Jay Neugeboren Rutgers University Press, 1997 Review by Christian Perring, Ph.D. on Jun 30th 1998  What is most impressive about Neugeboren's account of his family's history and their reaction to his brother Robert's behavior is not his passion, his eloquence, his readiness to stand by his brother in difficult times, his insightful psychological analysis, nor his openness, although all those qualities are revealed in the text. He is a good writer, with many interesting thoughts, who seems stronger in character than many others might be in his encounters both with his brother's madness and the mental health system's craziness. Neugeboren does not try to argue for a specific conclusion, nor does he try to paint himself in a flattering light, but rather leaves the reader to draw his or her own conclusions. He does not even try to get inside his brother's head and show what it is like to be mad. But what comes through, as he intends it to, is the story itself. One gets a sense of the possibilities that existed when Robert was younger, how they have changed, and the regret and satisfaction that Jay experiences now. Simply telling us that he feels those emotions does not convey them; it is the details of the history that make them real.
The details of the book offer plenty to reflect on too. Jay's younger brother Robert was in their youth a very imaginative and unconventional person. He quotes some of Robert's poetry, and it bears some resemblance to e. e. cummings in its lack of grammar and use of arrangement on the page to convey meaning. Robert is witty and clever, and those qualities sometimes get him into trouble. But while Jay becomes a writer with a family and a steady job, Robert spends half of his life in mental hospitals, mainly in the New York area, suffering experimental procedures and getting lost in the system. Through Neugeboren's frank depiction of what goes on, we see the stupidity, dogmatism, petty-mindedness and anger of the people in charge of his brother. But this is not a shocking exposé, and most readers will not be surprised by what they learn. We know that the care of the seriously mentally ill is under funded and made worse by the stigma that attaches to the mad. Even at its best, psychiatry cannot cure these illnesses, and it is rarely at its best. Large state hospitals are undefended and overworked. Treatment of the mentally ill is often at the mercy of local or national politics. Without offering advice, Neugeboren tells us how he deals or sometimes fails to deal with the mental health system and bureaucracy. But it is the Neugeboren family that holds the greatest interest, in their persistent ability to make each other unhappy. As with many families of the mentally ill, we are led to guess what illnesses the eccentricities of the undiagnosed members signify. Jay is often told that he is very different from his brother, and appears to others as the sane one in the family; he wonders if this is mere illusion or mere luck. He tries to make sense of what went on in his family, and clearly believes that if his brother had been treated differently in the past, Robert's life would have gone better. He is not out to assign blame to his parents even if he wonders how they could have behaved as they did. It is partly in collaboration with Robert that he engages in the project of remembering and retelling the past. (Indeed, Robert will get a share of the profits of the book.) Together they piece together the last 50 years, going through old letters and records and relying on their memories. The process of recall does not transform either of them, nor does it provide any major revelations. Rather, it gives them and the reader a sense of perspective. We get a picture of what mental illness means for us, how we react to it, and we get some glimpses of how we could do much better. |