|
Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsAHA News: Pandemic Pods Offer Social Relief, But There Are RisksSaying 'I Understand' Makes a Real Difference, Study ShowsCaring for Elderly Loved Ones During a Holiday LockdownGive Your Family the Gift of Regular ExercisePoll: 1 in 3 Parents Pick Holiday Gathering Over COVID SafetyCollege Kid Coming Home for Thanksgiving? Here's How to Keep Your Family SafeAHA News: Despite the Pandemic, Keep Social Connections Strong This Holiday SeasonThink 'Virtual' for Family Gatherings During the HolidaysWhen Your Spouse Gripes About Aging, It Might Harm Your HealthSpouses Share a Lot – Including Heart Health, Study ShowsKids' Hospitalizations Accompany Rising Unemployment Rates: StudyMost American Families Facing Financial Danger During Pandemic: PollCOVID Conflicts Are Putting Big Strains on RelationshipsWhy Some Gifts Are Better-Received Than OthersWhen Parents, Grandparents Don't Agree on Childrearing ChoicesU.S. Grandparents Are Raising Millions of Kids, and It's ToughChild Care Stresses, Hunger Are Harming U.S. Families During PandemicMany U.S. Homes Too Cramped to Stop COVID-19's SpreadWith Pandemic-Related Stress, Abuse Against Kids Can SurgeLove During Lockdown: Survey Shows How Couples Have CopedWith Nursing Homes on Lockdown, Stay Connected With Loved OnesAHA News: Instead of a Tie, Think About Healthy Gifts and Gratitude for Father's DayPandemic Lockdown Increases Child Abuse RiskLoving Family May Lower Future Depression Risk in KidsKeeping Harmony in the Family During Coronavirus PandemicAHA News: If You Hunker Down Against Coronavirus, Don't Stop Reaching Out, Experts Say12 Weeks of Paid Maternity Leave Benefits Everyone: StudyFrozen Donor Eggs May Lead to Fewer Births Than Fresh Ones Questions and AnswersPersonality Disorder or Just a Horrible PersonHusband Jealous of my Friends and FamilyIs it Just a Name?!She's Lied About EverythingMy Family is Ruining my Relationship With my Boyfriend What Is Wrong With Me ?My Boyfriend's Children Won't Accept Me....Does my Boyfriend Have Feelings For His Ex Wife?I Have BulimiaArranged MarriageWhen is Enough, Enough?Breaking UpSoon to be 15 Year Old Step Daughter Who is Physically Abusive to Family MembersI Have Everything I Ever Wanted. Why am I so Miserable?Should I Stay or Should I Go?Wife's BehaviorStep-Daughter is Deliberately AbusiveIs my Sister a Pathological Liar?Lost in Limbo19 Year Old DaughterNeed Help in Building the BridgesLack of Affection and IntimacyIs He Seeing Someone?Marriage QuestionRespect + Anger ManagmentMy Husband With Daughter...... Resentment-Controlling Wife/Passive-Agressive HusbandGetting Married, Stepsons With Awful TempersAdult Son Interferes with Our RelationshipCo-Dependent MotherCan My Marriage Be Saved?On and Off Relationship For Almost 10yrsI Am Tired of MarriageI'm His 2nd Wife. Am I Destined to Play Second Fiddle to His daughter Forever?How do I Get my Husband to the Psychiatrist?Is it Inappropriate to Call my Daughter...Trying to Save 37 Years of Marriage With My Bipolar HusbandAlcoholism and FamilyBipolar Obsessive Thoughts and False Memories Crazy Mother In Law Ruining Our Mental Health and RelationshipCaught In The Middle Caring For Elderly ParentI am a Newlywed and Need HelpHusband's Relationship With His ChildrenSubstance AbuseChronically Ill Non-Compliant 19 Year OldChild With Possible Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)Obsession or ExcuseThe Marriage Corner: How Can I Move Past This?The Marriage Corner: Do You Think my Marriage Can be Repaired?I am Only 26 Years OldMy Boyfriend Saved a Picture of a Girl he Slept With in Case we Split up?Adoptive Mother of 3 Children - SunFlowerHow to Handle my Mothers State of Mind?JoylessShould I Fight For My Marriage?Homesick and Feeling Stuck.Why Does My Wife's Old Boyfriend Bother Me?How do We Get Her to Accept Us as Part of The Family?Another WomanBoyfriends DaughterHow do I Cope With a Parent Who is Trying to Ruin me?Worried About 4-year-old with DepressionSame Views On So Much, but Can't Get Along As A CoupleIt's Me or It's My Mother?Considering Divorce After Several Deaths in The FamilySchizophreniaSchizophrenic Relapse !Please Help Me..My 19 Year Old Daughter is Out of ControlMy 19 Year Old SonI Desperately Want to Make This WorkHelp!!!Marraige Life of my Parents Is This Abuse and What Should I Do?My Girlfriend's Family Is Ruining Our RelationshipI Feel Like I Have Failed - - May 20th 2010Relationship With My Bipolar and ADHD GirlfriendHuge Disapointment With My HusbandI Don't Really Care About Anything. What Should I Do?What Should I do?My Father, The Sociopath...What is Wrong? What Should I do With my 19 Year-Old Daughter's Anger Issue?Dominating Mother How to Help Our College Age Son with Depression and AddictionCan My Marriage be Saved?Personal HygieneHelp Me Please. What is Going On With Me?Parenting a Bipolar Child, Not Quite a Child, Not Quite an AdultAm I Being Used?Is This Jealous Behaviour Normal In a Child?Grandson BehaviorHusband's AddictionHelp or Do Nothing?Pregnant AgainConcernedAre my past sexual fantasies dangerous and unusual?It is finally an emergency. We need help. Please.Trauma and Drama: Why are friends and family rejecting me? Why is my mom following me around to take over my life?Does my husband have bipolar although the doctors said he doesn't?Fear of death and dyinghow to ask if the pics are her?Unhappy MarriageDid I push them too much?How do you turn your back on your 19 year old daughter?What To Do With a Dysfunctional Past SHOULD GRANDPARENTS INSIST ON SEEING A GRANDCHILD My husband wants to leave me My husband no longer believesMy Son's ProblemWhy do I beat myself up over what they think?Bipolar sister, Narcissist boyfriendUnderstanding my sonWorried about my sonChild jealous of moms relationship with her new husbandThis guy I bullyIs There Help Out There? Lonely Mother of ThreeAm I Depressed?Should I Give Up On This Marriage?dealing with demanding mothercan you give me some advice please?17 year old running the houseOut of control 24 year old sisterMy needy son hates my boyfriend. How can I avoid choosing one over the other?voice in my headtwo intelligent adults who feel they don\'t have friends19 Year Old Daugter--Out of control17 yr old refuses help with bi-polar disorderTeen in Full Retreatout of control 16 year old nephewDepression? Bi-Polar? Personality Disorder?i need help with my sisterGet SupportedForgotten or just ignored?Dealing with a family member's complete personality changeMother showering & sleeping in same bed with 5 year oldDisbeliefZoloft - good or badmy little sisterUnattractive regardless, why bother?Coping with Narcissistic BehaviorHow to Deal with the Loss of Familyhusband\'s angerDid I Love my husband and still abuse him emotionallyI have a hard time making friends with other guysHow to communicate to a \'feeler\'homesickhow can i control morbid jealousyHow can I open up and become my old self again?Advice for my unhappily married friendHow can I tell the difference?Cannot support old friend in her affairIs Something Wrong With Her?Need to find a reason for the abuseMom's Unlisted NumberHow to help a Womanizing friend?'Extremely controling' wife and passive husbandA Habitual Liar's Lamentthe way out is through the doorDrug Addict SonAngry At Ex-BoyfriendViolent SisterWhen Will My Boyfriend Grow Up?A Marriage Outside The CasteAngry MomSeeing A Married ManDisordered Family Member BehaviorMy RoommateA Mean, Verbally Abusive WomanStepson With Personality DisorderMom's ProtectorBusted By A 5-Year-OldGetting Along With Narcissistic RelativesPossibly Molested DaughterDirty NieceHelping My SisterCongenital LazinessBlossoming Paranoia?Is Anxiety A Hereditary Factor?Enmeshed With MumHypochondriac DaughterAbusive FatherGoing CrazySelf-Abusive Step-Daughter(Wo)man In The MiddleParanoid DepressionWithdrawn BrotherDysfunctional FamilyParanoiaMy Mother Is Ruining My LifeCowardly StepdadDaughter's Violent MarriageMy Father Dislikes HimHistrionic Sister-in-LawLong-Distance SupportPersonality Disordered GrandmotherDo I Tell My Children I'm Depressed?Father In RomaniaMom's VentingUnhappy In An Arranged MarriageToxic ParentsA Situation For Tough Love?Avoiding Her ParentsBoarding School BluesDepression Affects The Entire FamilyInternet RelationshipI Want To Leave, But For The Children ...Public MenaceSomatization and HypochondriasSelf-Injuring SisterFamily BoundariesDealing with DivorceTrashed HouseRelationship TriangulationWhat To Treat First?Love TriangleProblematic ParentsHis Mother is Ruining Our RelationshipManaging PrioritiesTime to Cut the Apron StringsMommy's New BoyfriendBusy and WantingOver-Protective MotherHe's Not HimselfJealous of My Fiance's FamilyYoung LoveDifferent ReligionsMy Husband's Daughter...My Dad the DictatorMy Children Aren't Speaking..Dogs Instead of Children?My Wife is DepressedFalling ApartProblems with My Daughter VideosLinksBook Reviews |
| |
by Judy Ford Conari Press, 2001 Review by Diane Goldberg on Feb 3rd 2002 Judy Ford has given us an easy to follow manual for dealing with
the interactional stressors that make many of us angry. It's especially
useful because of her self-disclosure in the very beginning of
the book. She tells the reader in the first few pages that she
came from a loving family flawed by the denial of anger. With
a grandma who frequently said, "Only dogs get mad."
Ford got the impression early on that anger should be immediately
repressed. Keep that in mind as you read the book, occasionally
Ford's directive approach to avoiding flare-ups borders on insistence
that emotions can be compartmentalized, controlled, and expressed
in the best way possible. It is as if no one ever need scream
an obscenity when scalded with hot water.
However, Getting Over Getting Mad is a useful tool for
people who experience shame, guilt, and anxiety over having normal
negative feelings. For the self-help virgin who hasn't heard before
that emotional reaction is a normal part of the human condition
this book is a great first step in self-understanding. Ford offers
user-friendly methods for dealing with the fall out from expressing
anger inappropriately or destructively. She also provides explanations
in lay language for what portion of a situation or interaction
is likely to light a fire. Sometimes her succinct suggestions
are things the reader can use immediately for example suggesting
the reader try during the course of the week to say yes and no
clearly. Other times her suggestions may irritate the reader or
seem almost patronizing, for example when she advises the reader
to apologize for bad behavior.
With short chapters and clear examples the reader can easily skim
through the book finding chapters relevant to his or her own situations.
The clear divisions into four parts each dealing with anger in
different circumstances: when you are alone, when you are with
a significant other, when you are around children and when you
are with colleagues makes it easy to use the book as opposed
to merely reading it.
Ford also demystifies several terms in the self-help lexicon by
using exact terms. Readers won't confuse self-assertion with aggression
because Ford clearly spells out what she means by referring to
"healthy self-assertion." She is very clear by what
"snapping at your sweetheart" means as opposed to "shouting"
or "yelling" the clarity of her language leads to the
reader developing insight into what is happening in his or her
own life and what to do about it.
When discussing anger with colleagues, she pulls from her experience
as a therapist and observer of others to remind the reader that
sometimes even basic things like attention to "good manners"
can make work situations run smoothly. She points out that externalizing
blame for situations in the work setting can hurt you --- that
constantly assuming others are at fault can be a block to personal
and professional growth. While this optimistic outlook may not
always be accurate it is empowering and far more useful than littering
an organizational chart with fault lines. Unfortunately, despite
discussing client situations Ford does not seem to have a real
grasp of jobs that can be almost abusive. She does not seem to
understand that many people work in settings where they cannot
cause change or are working for a paycheck, not a career path.
While this book is exceedingly useful for someone who lacks a
basic understanding of anger management, it is not a tool for
readers who are aware that their anger is potentially violent.
Ford's suggestions for working through couple problems might be
potentially dangerous if one or both partners are violent or abusive.
Likewise in the work setting anger can be destructive and impede
a career. It is certainly good advice to "take care of yourself"
and it is true that "work is about more than getting paid."
People in positions where "taking a lunch hour and getting
a manicure" is not an option are likely to be frustrated
by reading Ford's pointers on self-nurturing.
We all have to deal with difficult people. Sometimes diffusing
techniques can really help us communicate with tempers in check.
And, an after work massage or lunch hour walk can certainly soothe
a ravaged worker. However, readers with more serious stressors
in the workplace, or without the funds to buy treats and rewards
for themselves may well lose patience with Ford during the last
bit of the book.
In essence, normal people dealing with normal communication problems
that need to understand anger and communication will likely benefit
from Getting Over Getting Mad. The reader with an extensive
library of self-help books need not rush out to add this one unless
said reader is a therapist who uses books with beginning clients.
People who have enormous anger over traumatic events or people
working in an uncaring system will also need to look elsewhere
for advice.
© 2002 Diane Goldberg
Diane Goldberg received
her MSSW from the University of Tennessee-Knoxville and is an
LCSW in North Carolina. She is currently a consultant and free
lance writer with a particular interest in stress management,
crisis intervention, travel, and woman's issues.
|